Eric Gurr, Pimp

No longer encumbered by the binds of candidacy, I think I will be candid.

And I will start from the very top.

Why did Eric Gurr feel it necessary to give me his phone number when I first came to U4Prez? Was it to wish me well? Was it to make me some sort of offer? Was he trying to get down my pants?

Let's think about this for a moment.

When I debuted at U4Prez, I realize I created a buzz with the way I submitted by inaugural profile. I made no bones about what I did for a living, and I was not sure as to the reception I would get. Surely, there would be a few holier-than-thou yutzes who were probably masturbating while they were telling me I shouldn't be a candidate in the first place. There would be others who would champion me for bring a street edge to the place, keepin' it real, as it were. Most would look past the first impression, get to know me as a person, and realize I have a brain.

I was pretty much spot on. Hawk looks at my chest everytime he insults me, and whether that's because he is a closet perv or he is too much of a coward to look me in the eye, I'm not quite sure. Some have hit on me, nothing too serious, a little harmless flirtation, at least they are honest about their intentions. For the most part, everyone got past that initial image and realized I have a few things to say. Whether we agreed or disagreed, most of the population of U4Prez seemed to have taken to me.

And then there's Eric Gurr.

Initially, like Kempite and several others, he questioned my identity. Kempite was more callous about it, which is typical for him, and the Democratic members of the Liberty Caucus will attest to it, if you are not Hard Right, you are nothing but fodder. Which is strange, a Gay Republican daring to talk about anyone else not fitting in. Kempite is one of those candidates who thinks everything is fair game, whether it's someone's profession, or his own alleged AIDS, he will use any tool at his disposal to prop himself up. Dead candidates, LC liberals, whatever. Millions are dying in Africa with no hope of living a few more months from what Kempite allegedly has (I haven't seen the medical records, he could be lying about it just as he lies about being able to take a PM in confidence), and while they suffer from it, Kempite uses it as a political stepping stone.

Kempite is Kempite, and in reality, he's not much different from me. We both pleasure men and like it. We both are hotheaded. The difference is, he's got Eric Gurr in his pocket, and I don't.

Eric questioned my identity as well. He felt I was some Jason Seagreaves character, apparently based on my writing. I must apologize, but with the exception of the plethera of commas MejicoJohn and Willy2000 employ in their commentary, how is anyone's writing so distinguished from anyone else's? I was there but a few days, and he got it into his head that I was Jason.When it was revealed to him I am who I am, Eric saw me as his meal ticket. Here I am, a pretty girl with a shady past, but also with a B.A. and the bulging brain to match. The prostitute with the heart of gold, the lowly street girl with a mind awaiting to be discovered.

What did Eric have before I came along? Kempite? A grouchy homo who hangs out with even more grouchy ultraconservatives? Mduminiak, the quinessential freeper with nothing to offer but obnoxious and unfortunately cliched NeoCon gameplaying? Hawk, who has absolutely nothing to offer but the occasional "typical liberal crap" to toss out?

Eric tried to use me to put forth his million-idea, U4Prez. I wasn't a candidate more than two weeks before he started setting me up for a television interview. Or at least, that's what he told me then. The fact that it fell through lends me to think in several directions. Was there an interview at all? Why me, a newbie still asking around what's going on? Why is he giving this prostitute so much attention?

Eric gave me his phone number, wanting me to call him to verify. Now, that's nothing new, several gentlemen callers at U4Prez have given me their phone numbers, and I haven't called any of them for the same reason I didn't call Eric. believe it or not, I am not at U4Prez to sell my body. I have my own means through which I do this. I make this clear to everyone who approaches me with more than a fun little flirt. I would have liked to have thought I found a place where smarts outweighed appearances. While I no doubt used images that presented me as an attractive woman (you really don't want to see a picture of me when I wake up), and while I am not so naive as to think men won't make passes at me, I would at least like to think the creator of a website has better things to do than try to pick up chicks.

When the television interview fell through, Eric called up one of his buddies, Felix, to get me to do a phone interview with him for some magazine based out of I think San Diego. Again, another guy giving out phone numbers. Why is it all men giving me their numbers? In my experiences at U4Prez, not a single female has ever given me her number. And I have to tell you guys, if you didn't have penises, I wouldn't have much use for you. If women had them, you all would be completely shit out of luck, boys!

I gave Felix a healthy Q&A write-up, but for some reason, no article was ever written. Fancy that.

When it became clear Eric wasn't going to be able to get down my pants, he stopped talking to me.

I have talked to him one time since, and that was July 5th, when I apparently had to raise Holy Hell to get the moderators to get off their lazy asses and put MejicoJohn back on the primary schedule as he was supposed to be. Eric insisted that though I gave up my primary position in protest, I would get into the general election anyway, despite my protests. Still thinking I was his meal ticket, he has tagged me as the "April winner" as his way to keep me involved all the way to the conventions in October. His reasoning was this: Even though Coberloco was an Independent before Independents had primaries, he was awarded a position in the general election as the "April winner". There is no record of this, so I thought it incredibly odd that he would try this. On the Communication Center board, he posted the primary winners and general election qualifiers as of June. There were no Independents posted, because Independents had been screwed out of their ability to compete in such primaries. When he brought this up , this mysterious position for me in the general elections, I was aghast. He was still trying to push me forward, give me things I didn't earn.

During my eloquent exit from U4Prez today, people were asking me why I would say Eric plays favorites. Eric has been trying to push me along ever since I got to U4Prez. Why is this? Has he shown other female candidates the same sort of favoritism? Surely THINK08 or kt2020 are just as thoughtful and intelligent as I might be. Why show such generosity at all to a woman in the first place? I have yet to hear of any other candidate being showed such splendid attention.

That is, until yesterday, when Kempite announced Eric would be on his talk show. At that point, I snapped, because I knew for a fact Eric plays favorites, because he had a long history of having ME as his favorite. After five months of trying to use me to perpetuate U4Prez and failing, he's settled on the only other whore on U4Prez, Kempite.

There are at least a half-dozen other such shows featured by U4Prez candidates, why Kempite? Surely those other candidate Eric gave the finger to were eager to have him.

U4Prez is Eric's million-dollar idea. It's his lottery ticket. When he couldn't get a hottie to front him, he took the frontrunner. When he couldn't somehow get a little piece off of Olivia, he got some off of Kempite. He saw me as someone he could promote, the shining example of what U4Prez could be, and here I was, a pretty face, a solid mind, a ferocious wit, just waiting to be "discovered" by a wannabe webgeek looking to get out of his parents' basement. And if he could get off by hearing my voice, so much the better.

My original soundbite was, the only difference between me and other politicians is I will tell you up front I am a whore. If Eric couldn't pimp out a real whore, he will make damn sure he'll pimp out someone who will willing kneel down and pleasure him.

You might as well hand the presidency over to Kempite. Kempite is the prostitute, and Eric is the pimp. A match made in heaven.